Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Walk Like A Dolphin
I’m bad at it…does that mean I would be a horrible actor? At work they are grooming me to be a manager. The pressure they put on me is crazy and I feel like this lab rat…I mean I could contract cancer from high doses of this treatment. They want me to grow and succeed in that department. I can tell my boss’ advice (like, “I know you’re in a position that you don’t have 100 percent control over put you are 100 percent responsible”…what does that mean?)And their actions are done out of good intentions but it’s those intentions that make me believe hell is an air-conditioned box, with rows of cubes, fluorescent lights and stale coffee. In my directors over simplification model of personalities I am a dolphin. Which means I am kind, gentle, slow paced, doesn’t like confrontation, I like to keep the peace etc. Some people are assertive so they are Panthers, the smart people are owls, and party people are peacocks. What do the mangers teach us with this model...nothing it seems that it is told to clue us into why certain people demand the power and run the show…its because they are all Panthers. Today I was on the phone with Teri (this woman I work with.) She treats me like a child; she is abrupt condescending and cold. I don’t think she means to be. The times that she really gets under my skin are when I know I’m approaching a problem right (and I feel she is not) and she doesn’t listen to me. Today I was right on my approach and she was going in for personal attack on the amount of time it takes to get things done… (not like I shouldn’t be attacking them for not knowing how to get things right the first time but anywho it took me 8 tests of the Alaska taxes before they got the program correct…I’m not so sure my managers would give me an 8 count leeway.) I wish I worked with creative people not problem solver. People need to learn to attach the source not the symptoms. So, I get abrupt with Teri and our phone conversation is over and my boss asks me if I’m frustrated. What human on the planet wouldn’t be frustrated over such confrontation? (Oh yeah I forgot he’s not human he’s a Panther.) My one manager says “play the roles when you need to and be strong.” So I get abrupt and strong but it’s looked at as Nick being a lose cannon. I’m sorry I don’t know how to act strong I think my personality type is strong but it just manifests itself differently than everyone else’s perfect cubicle world. Being mean never works for me. I feel like a dick when I act like a dick. Then it’s even worse because people don’t expect that attitude from me so they get mad. I guess people never see their own faults and when given a position of authority they like to superimpose this idea of what a professional is on everyone they can exert their power over. It’s like this big elaborate game of pin the tail on the donkey. My managers give advice with no content like “be stronger!” What the hell does that mean? They never give tangible advice and it’s not like they are always the perfect models to copy from. At work the power rule is simple. People don’t respect me, not because I’m not talented enough. They don’t respect me because A I’m not in a position of authority (don’t’ get me wrong the people don’t respect our managers either. People are just sycophants) and B because I’m a nice guy (who has recently got a sense of humor…I told two awesome spur of the moment jokes on my tour of the Rocky Mountain News today that I must write about tomorrow…Pete Gray.) On top of all this my boss says today, “I’m not trying to say anything but what ever happened to getting a job that had something to do with your major? I enjoyed a short instantaneous reverie and in it I said, “You’re right it would help to have acting skills to work here, I’m just not into drama.”
I’m bad at it…does that mean I would be a horrible actor? At work they are grooming me to be a manager. The pressure they put on me is crazy and I feel like this lab rat…I mean I could contract cancer from high doses of this treatment. They want me to grow and succeed in that department. I can tell my boss’ advice (like, “I know you’re in a position that you don’t have 100 percent control over put you are 100 percent responsible”…what does that mean?)And their actions are done out of good intentions but it’s those intentions that make me believe hell is an air-conditioned box, with rows of cubes, fluorescent lights and stale coffee. In my directors over simplification model of personalities I am a dolphin. Which means I am kind, gentle, slow paced, doesn’t like confrontation, I like to keep the peace etc. Some people are assertive so they are Panthers, the smart people are owls, and party people are peacocks. What do the mangers teach us with this model...nothing it seems that it is told to clue us into why certain people demand the power and run the show…its because they are all Panthers. Today I was on the phone with Teri (this woman I work with.) She treats me like a child; she is abrupt condescending and cold. I don’t think she means to be. The times that she really gets under my skin are when I know I’m approaching a problem right (and I feel she is not) and she doesn’t listen to me. Today I was right on my approach and she was going in for personal attack on the amount of time it takes to get things done… (not like I shouldn’t be attacking them for not knowing how to get things right the first time but anywho it took me 8 tests of the Alaska taxes before they got the program correct…I’m not so sure my managers would give me an 8 count leeway.) I wish I worked with creative people not problem solver. People need to learn to attach the source not the symptoms. So, I get abrupt with Teri and our phone conversation is over and my boss asks me if I’m frustrated. What human on the planet wouldn’t be frustrated over such confrontation? (Oh yeah I forgot he’s not human he’s a Panther.) My one manager says “play the roles when you need to and be strong.” So I get abrupt and strong but it’s looked at as Nick being a lose cannon. I’m sorry I don’t know how to act strong I think my personality type is strong but it just manifests itself differently than everyone else’s perfect cubicle world. Being mean never works for me. I feel like a dick when I act like a dick. Then it’s even worse because people don’t expect that attitude from me so they get mad. I guess people never see their own faults and when given a position of authority they like to superimpose this idea of what a professional is on everyone they can exert their power over. It’s like this big elaborate game of pin the tail on the donkey. My managers give advice with no content like “be stronger!” What the hell does that mean? They never give tangible advice and it’s not like they are always the perfect models to copy from. At work the power rule is simple. People don’t respect me, not because I’m not talented enough. They don’t respect me because A I’m not in a position of authority (don’t’ get me wrong the people don’t respect our managers either. People are just sycophants) and B because I’m a nice guy (who has recently got a sense of humor…I told two awesome spur of the moment jokes on my tour of the Rocky Mountain News today that I must write about tomorrow…Pete Gray.) On top of all this my boss says today, “I’m not trying to say anything but what ever happened to getting a job that had something to do with your major? I enjoyed a short instantaneous reverie and in it I said, “You’re right it would help to have acting skills to work here, I’m just not into drama.”
# posted by Nick D @ 11:20 PM 
