Saturday, December 24, 2005
We are the Fireworks
So many things have happened this year that I consider an improvement in my asinine ideology. They happened because I took that stupid silly women’s study class and the subtly of its feminine loving embrace of its messages have stuck by my side. The non-conquestial advice has stood like a guardian angel by my side. Not dictating its massage as life’s problems unfold to be solved like some commandments of infallible word. The message learned was the one of letting go of just being kind to yourself and not beating yourself up over the things beyond your control. As I type this and peer over the contents of the message I realized why I called it a stupid silly class. It’s because the message is so simple so trivial and commonsense but what will it take for people to take it by their side as a guardian angel? Advice, messages, morals of the stories are timed fireworks that have all the elements to explode and forever change the content of your life. It’s the timing of these messages that set these graceful ingredients to life and breathe their power to use. Many times the message has been too late and as I peered over the firework display to see if it would work, the whole lesson blows right up in my face…there are scares there are scars. Sometimes we hear the thunder of the lesson from miles away the sound understandable but meaning muffled and not carried on or put to use. At other times the explosion is as such a distance a place a time that somehow the magical energy of its eruption seeps into your heart and your ready to embrace it. I feel like we live in a world of dynamite makers and test explosions are going off at all times for all reasons that we have become desensitized to the lessons of the fireworks. How many times have we not done what we know would have been best because of the explosion of some unimportant distraction? I guess I just want to say be vigilant of the explosions of this life. Sometimes your exploding light will guide the life of someone waiting for your message and at other times you will be so moved by some one else’s light. We all know what the distracting dynamite of or life is. Today is my day off, the presents are wrapped and I just want to sit here and enjoy the show of the graceful light this world has to offer.
So many things have happened this year that I consider an improvement in my asinine ideology. They happened because I took that stupid silly women’s study class and the subtly of its feminine loving embrace of its messages have stuck by my side. The non-conquestial advice has stood like a guardian angel by my side. Not dictating its massage as life’s problems unfold to be solved like some commandments of infallible word. The message learned was the one of letting go of just being kind to yourself and not beating yourself up over the things beyond your control. As I type this and peer over the contents of the message I realized why I called it a stupid silly class. It’s because the message is so simple so trivial and commonsense but what will it take for people to take it by their side as a guardian angel? Advice, messages, morals of the stories are timed fireworks that have all the elements to explode and forever change the content of your life. It’s the timing of these messages that set these graceful ingredients to life and breathe their power to use. Many times the message has been too late and as I peered over the firework display to see if it would work, the whole lesson blows right up in my face…there are scares there are scars. Sometimes we hear the thunder of the lesson from miles away the sound understandable but meaning muffled and not carried on or put to use. At other times the explosion is as such a distance a place a time that somehow the magical energy of its eruption seeps into your heart and your ready to embrace it. I feel like we live in a world of dynamite makers and test explosions are going off at all times for all reasons that we have become desensitized to the lessons of the fireworks. How many times have we not done what we know would have been best because of the explosion of some unimportant distraction? I guess I just want to say be vigilant of the explosions of this life. Sometimes your exploding light will guide the life of someone waiting for your message and at other times you will be so moved by some one else’s light. We all know what the distracting dynamite of or life is. Today is my day off, the presents are wrapped and I just want to sit here and enjoy the show of the graceful light this world has to offer.
For Someone Loved
Count your injustices but leave critical tongue heeding
Because blessings are wrapped as subtle as breathing
Say what you gotta say do what you gotta do
Just remember the happiness that can be subdued
By actions that don’t speak of your soul
The slamming door is sometimes a gust of wind
Let your love flow
Let it flow
Let go
They’ll do what they’ll do, say what they’ll say
You’ll be surprised to find we all feel the same way
Thinking opposite things about each other’s reactions
Just remember everyone loves the same
Don’t let mistaken winds take it away
Get out of its way
Count your injustices but leave critical tongue heeding
Because blessings are wrapped as subtle as breathing
Say what you gotta say do what you gotta do
Just remember the happiness that can be subdued
By actions that don’t speak of your soul
The slamming door is sometimes a gust of wind
Let your love flow
Let it flow
Let go
They’ll do what they’ll do, say what they’ll say
You’ll be surprised to find we all feel the same way
Thinking opposite things about each other’s reactions
Just remember everyone loves the same
Don’t let mistaken winds take it away
Get out of its way
Friday, December 23, 2005
I just feel so lifeless and uninspired. No-- uninspired is the wrong word. Unmotivated…that’s the word I’m looking for. I’m always inspired by this world’s whirlwind of events. Thoughts gestate and take life, growing farms of intellectual patterns in my mind. Words are the spring loaded levers that fire rapidly in the cosmic showers of the mind’s eye. Getting these little black character’s of inspiration from out of my mind and trapped onto the computer screen…well that’s a different story. I feel like I’m part of this sea bound ship race and winds are flailing the sails out of control and I’m doing just fine in the race but I’m so unpleasantly sea sick that I can’t bask in the glory of my virtuous position. Today was the first day I could check my posted grades. I got a 4.0 this semester but as I sit here typing I feel so dull and inhuman…something is missing from this giant mosaic of life. And like art, this mosaic can stand on its own virtue of artistic expression as is…but the fulcrum to the piece the pazaaz whatever it’s called…it’s missing. I’m really not on some wild hunt for it. It’s something I feel. I pray everything will one day fall into place. When that day comes I believe that I will see it and feel it and just know that my mosaic is centered. No wild-goose chase tonight just the sickening waiting for something to happen.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
12-22-2005
Last lesson my guitar teacher told me that you can see a person’s place in life through the fret board. He said he can hear a difference between Jim Hall now as compared to when he was going through a painful divorce. My guitar teacher said you can see the spiritual place a person is at through the fret board. I sit here today and feel that angst in my art. That lack of solitude. Change is necessary but it’s daunting. It’s daunting to think of all the burdens just piling against me and stopping me from just taking my art my music and writing to the next level. As I type this I come off of a 9 hour day at the grind. All I do is sitting all day and I’m exhausted I just won my second bout with Gout (capitalized to give that proper noun feeling it deserves.) I’m not sure exactly what I did to deserve round two. I did drink last week more than usual but not crazy like my dad =every fucking night. My gout could just be a God-given safe guard against the path my father has cycled through throughout the entirety of my presence here on earth. Can a man have a love affair and still maintain the integrity of his relationship. No I’m not cheating on my girlfriend but I am cheating on my true desires to be an artist when I take to the fancy trivial tasks that get in the way. So what, I suck at Sudoku I’m also not where I want to be on the guitar…what is my priority? I do think a person’s soul shines through fret board. I’m rather soulless right now. But I’m not dead. My biggest fear is that I won’t transcend this life my family so eloquently instilled into me. My girlfriend is home now with food. It's time to prioritize.
Last lesson my guitar teacher told me that you can see a person’s place in life through the fret board. He said he can hear a difference between Jim Hall now as compared to when he was going through a painful divorce. My guitar teacher said you can see the spiritual place a person is at through the fret board. I sit here today and feel that angst in my art. That lack of solitude. Change is necessary but it’s daunting. It’s daunting to think of all the burdens just piling against me and stopping me from just taking my art my music and writing to the next level. As I type this I come off of a 9 hour day at the grind. All I do is sitting all day and I’m exhausted I just won my second bout with Gout (capitalized to give that proper noun feeling it deserves.) I’m not sure exactly what I did to deserve round two. I did drink last week more than usual but not crazy like my dad =every fucking night. My gout could just be a God-given safe guard against the path my father has cycled through throughout the entirety of my presence here on earth. Can a man have a love affair and still maintain the integrity of his relationship. No I’m not cheating on my girlfriend but I am cheating on my true desires to be an artist when I take to the fancy trivial tasks that get in the way. So what, I suck at Sudoku I’m also not where I want to be on the guitar…what is my priority? I do think a person’s soul shines through fret board. I’m rather soulless right now. But I’m not dead. My biggest fear is that I won’t transcend this life my family so eloquently instilled into me. My girlfriend is home now with food. It's time to prioritize.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
As desperate as one feels…
Write it away write it away make it
Stop
Write it away write it away make it
Stop
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
A cyberspace well to-do list
So my gout went into hyper active mode today which is always fun. I have left over pain killers from the last time so they we’ll be put to good use tonight…suppositories are always fun…ways out. Tonight my guitar teacher was talking about the benefits of music and praying to God. I don’t know if he knows I’m not Christian but I thankful for his advice and insight. Spirituality is important in my life in more ways then I know and there will be no way I could understand…I’ll just leave it at that. Tonight I have an uncompleted cyberspace to do list to attend to.
Let’s see 1st the OK Soda story…(don’t make me cry) I’m going to do it but there was a major technicality which rendered my story obsolete and not redeemable as a final project in my journalism class….so that story is pending completion. Who knows, maybe sense I didn’t turn it in as a project for class I can make a feature for my school news paper. God I hope they don’t blow me off like the radio station did…I submitted my application but have yet to hear back. I’ve had to fight for every inch I’ve got in this life…I don’t expect this to be any different.
2nd I wanted to try to keep in touch with a person I valued. A person I thought was really cool in school named Melissa. Of course that’ just another one of my pipe dreams of being part of normal society/humanity. I called her left another one of my long funny messages and no reply has been received as of a week later. Why do I try??? John Lennon wrote the song Isolation on one of his solo albums. The funny thing was his isolation was 100% self induced. He wanted fame he wanted fortune he wanted the power to change the world…one of the prices he had to pay was no public privacy rending his sense of isolation. I on the other hand can go through the fat Elvis without any of the glory of well-- the Elvis Glory days. (Now, when I mention fat Elvis I’m not really saying I’m literally fat. I’m 5’9’’ 160lbs I’m hardly a fat man but I’m talking more in the metaphorical self esteem sense.) I liked Melissa and maybe even if she doesn’t cash in on my friendship advances…she can have a funny message in which I hope I made her smile one last time in my name. I really need to start blogging all of my life rejections. It might bring some perspective on it all…I guess chalk another one up for the to do list.
3rd I need to write my psychology professor and tell her that her class was awesome. Grades were posted so there’s no chance for ulterior motives on my part…I’m going to compose it now!
Hello Lana,
I was just reflecting on the semester past… (Doesn’t that sound like a holiday story intro?) Anyway, I sat front row in your intro to psych. class and I just wanted to say it rocked. I’m positive you’re going to inspire thousands of future psychologists and the world will be a better place for it. Our class responsible for a lot of content but I didn’t feel burdened by it because I could tell you felt responsible for us. God knows I couldn’t remember most the names of what seemed like 50 plus students in our class. You somehow seemed to learn everyone’s name…that shows you cared about the betterment of your students. Some professors don’t even take the time to learn 15 names in a class. Because of you I can officially wow my co-workers with a napkin scribed with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I still don’t get all that damn classical conditioning and unconditioned response stuff…but hey what do you expect? I’m a product of Aurora Public Schools. Anyway, hope you have happy holidays.
Thanks for the awesome class,
Nick Dewart
There, she probably won’t get this until next semester because I’m sending it via school email and hopefully it makes her smile.
4th on my to-do list is I need to review all my blogs like the Artist Way calls for. Do and review, is essential to any system and I really need to make it part of my routine.
5th I need to make the rejection blog aka “sour apples.”
6th I was thinking about making a separate blog for reviews that I write. I would love to write for a major publication. But the fun thing about blogging is the freedom. I can write my style of CD reviews and movie reviews. I can even write a Playboy review if it fits my fancy there’s no limitations in content or approach. The bad thing is there is a limited audience, I don’t have the interaction with a staff of writers and editors and I can’t make my living doing it.
7th last but not least I will make my return to the realms of MySpace. It’s been 6 months since I nuked my account and left a steady stream of blog readers. I just couldn’t handle the nonstop rejection of the Denver music scene. There the scene was rubbed in my face daily and I realized it’s something I just can’t be a part of. But I had people actually interested in my writings. I’m sure my entrance back will be as anticlimactic as anything else I attempt in this world but hey, I can always write about it in “Sour Apples.”
So my gout went into hyper active mode today which is always fun. I have left over pain killers from the last time so they we’ll be put to good use tonight…suppositories are always fun…ways out. Tonight my guitar teacher was talking about the benefits of music and praying to God. I don’t know if he knows I’m not Christian but I thankful for his advice and insight. Spirituality is important in my life in more ways then I know and there will be no way I could understand…I’ll just leave it at that. Tonight I have an uncompleted cyberspace to do list to attend to.
Let’s see 1st the OK Soda story…(don’t make me cry) I’m going to do it but there was a major technicality which rendered my story obsolete and not redeemable as a final project in my journalism class….so that story is pending completion. Who knows, maybe sense I didn’t turn it in as a project for class I can make a feature for my school news paper. God I hope they don’t blow me off like the radio station did…I submitted my application but have yet to hear back. I’ve had to fight for every inch I’ve got in this life…I don’t expect this to be any different.
2nd I wanted to try to keep in touch with a person I valued. A person I thought was really cool in school named Melissa. Of course that’ just another one of my pipe dreams of being part of normal society/humanity. I called her left another one of my long funny messages and no reply has been received as of a week later. Why do I try??? John Lennon wrote the song Isolation on one of his solo albums. The funny thing was his isolation was 100% self induced. He wanted fame he wanted fortune he wanted the power to change the world…one of the prices he had to pay was no public privacy rending his sense of isolation. I on the other hand can go through the fat Elvis without any of the glory of well-- the Elvis Glory days. (Now, when I mention fat Elvis I’m not really saying I’m literally fat. I’m 5’9’’ 160lbs I’m hardly a fat man but I’m talking more in the metaphorical self esteem sense.) I liked Melissa and maybe even if she doesn’t cash in on my friendship advances…she can have a funny message in which I hope I made her smile one last time in my name. I really need to start blogging all of my life rejections. It might bring some perspective on it all…I guess chalk another one up for the to do list.
3rd I need to write my psychology professor and tell her that her class was awesome. Grades were posted so there’s no chance for ulterior motives on my part…I’m going to compose it now!
Hello Lana,
I was just reflecting on the semester past… (Doesn’t that sound like a holiday story intro?) Anyway, I sat front row in your intro to psych. class and I just wanted to say it rocked. I’m positive you’re going to inspire thousands of future psychologists and the world will be a better place for it. Our class responsible for a lot of content but I didn’t feel burdened by it because I could tell you felt responsible for us. God knows I couldn’t remember most the names of what seemed like 50 plus students in our class. You somehow seemed to learn everyone’s name…that shows you cared about the betterment of your students. Some professors don’t even take the time to learn 15 names in a class. Because of you I can officially wow my co-workers with a napkin scribed with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I still don’t get all that damn classical conditioning and unconditioned response stuff…but hey what do you expect? I’m a product of Aurora Public Schools. Anyway, hope you have happy holidays.
Thanks for the awesome class,
Nick Dewart
There, she probably won’t get this until next semester because I’m sending it via school email and hopefully it makes her smile.
4th on my to-do list is I need to review all my blogs like the Artist Way calls for. Do and review, is essential to any system and I really need to make it part of my routine.
5th I need to make the rejection blog aka “sour apples.”
6th I was thinking about making a separate blog for reviews that I write. I would love to write for a major publication. But the fun thing about blogging is the freedom. I can write my style of CD reviews and movie reviews. I can even write a Playboy review if it fits my fancy there’s no limitations in content or approach. The bad thing is there is a limited audience, I don’t have the interaction with a staff of writers and editors and I can’t make my living doing it.
7th last but not least I will make my return to the realms of MySpace. It’s been 6 months since I nuked my account and left a steady stream of blog readers. I just couldn’t handle the nonstop rejection of the Denver music scene. There the scene was rubbed in my face daily and I realized it’s something I just can’t be a part of. But I had people actually interested in my writings. I’m sure my entrance back will be as anticlimactic as anything else I attempt in this world but hey, I can always write about it in “Sour Apples.”
Monday, December 19, 2005
The Gouts
It’s impossible for me to have any remnants of a normal life. Anytime I just live-- nature’s slap greets me like an ice cold shower at 2 a.m. Right now its 5 a.m. The pressure on my big left toe joint is beginning to takes its toll. That’s what I get for drinking as much as I did this weekend. I look around this messy room and I realize this is nature’s way of saying…”get the fuck in gear.” I need to approach a more vegetarian diet. I hate Bally’s but I must go do that damn meat market and just get a workout routing going. My mouth and eyes were happy to be eating at Johnny Rockets yesterday but my gout says no. Not gut my gout. (I love how at J.R. all the waiters/waitresses dance.) I’m being punished by the magical force of bliss for not sticking to my gruelish full time school accompanied with a full time work load schedule. I haven’t been reading my guitar music but I have been writing everyday. I must fight the evil spirit of chaos and drink the tart cherry juice filled with folic acid to combat the uric acid (“I’m such a uric acid whore”-The Gouts)…it’s time to start my regiment. Dash nabit it’s time to start. Have a gout free day…until tomorrow.
It’s impossible for me to have any remnants of a normal life. Anytime I just live-- nature’s slap greets me like an ice cold shower at 2 a.m. Right now its 5 a.m. The pressure on my big left toe joint is beginning to takes its toll. That’s what I get for drinking as much as I did this weekend. I look around this messy room and I realize this is nature’s way of saying…”get the fuck in gear.” I need to approach a more vegetarian diet. I hate Bally’s but I must go do that damn meat market and just get a workout routing going. My mouth and eyes were happy to be eating at Johnny Rockets yesterday but my gout says no. Not gut my gout. (I love how at J.R. all the waiters/waitresses dance.) I’m being punished by the magical force of bliss for not sticking to my gruelish full time school accompanied with a full time work load schedule. I haven’t been reading my guitar music but I have been writing everyday. I must fight the evil spirit of chaos and drink the tart cherry juice filled with folic acid to combat the uric acid (“I’m such a uric acid whore”-The Gouts)…it’s time to start my regiment. Dash nabit it’s time to start. Have a gout free day…until tomorrow.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
ABA
A-Shopping part 1
I held myself hostage at the local areas of commerce and I wouldn’t release myself until I was finished with my Christmas shopping. I found myself bumping into my girl friend’s relatives. Let’s just say that didn’t go off well as I frightened them away with my deranged drooling, haggard hair and my speech eloquence that would make any Neanderthal feel like Alex Trebek. Stumbling away from my embarrassment I realized I needed to finish this holiday task and finish it fast. I was unleashed through the Cheery Creek Mall and I ran into the Fossil store. I asked the attendant if they had argyle socks and the gay gentlemen very curtly said, “You’ll just have to go to Target for that!” I realized this would not be a pleasant extravaganza. I did get a nice compliment from another seemingly gay man from Urban Outfitters. He said he, “loved my jacket.” I do as well for a matter of fact it was purchased for 4 big ones at the ARC. It was one of those half off sales. One can never go wrong with a vintage red leather jacket.
B-Reverie
Whenever I shop at Cheery Creek Mall it evokes an alternate mind state. It always gives me this composed and cold aristocratic vibe. Many areas of Denver have their harbors of the well-to-do rich yuppie snobs. But the people and the money in the Cheery Creek area…this represents more of the sophisticated rich. The people are classy more in a way you’d find in New York. The clothes and styles are more designer based and unique. The cultures of the people are varied and mixed and everyone has the “confident in their step” presence about them. When I shop there this ambiance rubs off on me and I (as stupid as it may sound) feel like I seep up the cold-to-myself sophistication. It makes me feel happy in my solitude and in love with just observing the myriad types of people. There’s a lifestyle all around me that I wish to embrace and it’s something my family will never understand. It’s something I want and yearn for. I feel like such a leper in my blood linage. I love vintage clothes and all types of music. I love to find and indulge in unexpected experiences. I love to read and write and make music. I love dive bars cheap beer and expensive beer and punks. I ponder politics and philosophies and my family shops Wal-Mart, which is beyond me because they have always been union workers??? They drive SUVs and still cheer for the Broncos??? I had a fortune teller tell me I was rich in my last life. She said, “I’m sorry you were born into a poor family this time.” I guess most people that get their fortunes told at the renaissance festival are probably poor…but for a second it felt like she was really reading me. Not that I want to be some superficial scum that looks lowly on the lower class (which I’ve been a part of my entire life.) I just want the freedom to pursue my dreams and to patron other’s dreams while living in some sort of comfort and intellectual stimulation. When I go to Cherry Creek I feel at home, utterly alone. I realize that with any talent there must be an intense period of gestation. I must spit blood on the field of my artistic endeavors to really make my art my livelihood. My thoughts drifted in reverie while walking the long corridors of the stimulating landscape of the mall. I was lost in thoughts about going home and just boarding up my windows and pursing my craft…crafts. My family doesn’t understand and my friends don’t understand…because I don’t have any friends, I realize this is my lone battle. No one will understand me except my twisted mind which bends like the lonesome corridors of this crowded mall. Enough about that! Back to shopping.
A-Shopping part 2
I am happy to say that I will be Forever 21 now. I have officially purchased something at that horrible young woman’s clothing pop shop that reminds me more of a warehouse of strewn around cloth than a classy boutique which it pretends to be. I guess I can’t complain because the prices are right for what you buy. I am happy to admit that my shopping is 90% complete and I’m only about $600 in the hole. Gift giving does not go a long way these days as I only purchased 7 people’s gifts and at a high estimate I have to spend another $100 on four more people. God deck the halls with abounding credit card bills. I am lucky. I didn’t have to buy for that many people this year because my family draws names and we only buy a $40 gift for one person. This is a lifesaver because it takes a ton of the stress away and everybody gets a little something. I still need to get my girlfriend an anniversary present. It will be three years this 27th. My great grandma’s birthday is the 27th of Dec. as well. She is a fellow Capricorn so the gift giving spree is not quite over yet but at least the stress of most of the shopping is gone. In accordance with the Artist Way I made my Christmas shopping night an “artist date.” I splurged on two gifts for myself (see posted picture.) I got a grande Mocha from Starbucks…which I love with all my pee-pee. (There is no point in getting a venti because the grande and venti both have two shots.) I also got some hip 70’s looking gold framed sun glasses. They make me feel like a young Lou Reed when I wear them. Now it’s time to attend the bomb shelter that is my room.
Ouzo the feel good maker
School’s over for winter break there’s no excuse. I really need to get this natural disaster of my room cleaned and now. I have been bad ignoring the trusty to do list of mine. Feeding the face of that monster dubbed the conquistador of chaos. I see my room has been hit by a tornado. It’s time to not allow my guitar to gently weep, the floor needs sweeping.
Last night I went to my assistant manager’s first open house. (She’s the one that stood up for me against my very loco manager who went ape shit on me, really for no reason.) Other than the fact she introduced me as “Dick” at the door to some of the other patrons it went well. I brought a bottle of Rodney Strong Pinot Noir. I jammed with her son who is learning the bass, mingled with some co-workers and drank some Ouzo. This lady Lyn who used to work in my department was there and she divulged one little unknown office secret (only unknown to me.) The assistant manger of Revenue (she’s only a year older than I, about 25 her initials KO) has store bought tits!!!??? Now that I think about it…I should have known. Really as I type this I guess it’s not that interesting gossip. But if it’s the only nugget of dark office hush hushes I can uncover than I’ll take it. I noticed that KO has the perfect body and in stupid dude speak…do I dare go there??? Why not? If a person’s advantage in this world is one that was bought in a store and just the fact that that would be the one part of themselves they would choose to better enhanced whatever you want to call it…then perhaps a little subjective viewing is what they are after. So I let another office worker do the speaking for me. A guy named David who used to work with me called her a “but-her face.” That’s evil guy talk for her body is great but-her face…He said, “Look at her, she has a perfect petite body but she has a double chin.” I had never noticed that before but in fact KO has a double chin. See that’s just what I’m talking about. I noticed she had a big chest, but didn’t think to associate it with being fake. I never noticed she had a double chin, but then I did after David told me. I wonder if I lack observation??? Or am I better at observing the person? I basically met KO and probably thought oh…pretty girl with a perfect body. Then my judgment went strait into personality observation. She was just a chill person, she doesn’t think she is very smart, she loves to send e-mails with little picture thingies, she likes photography, she likes big SUVs, (which I hate and have in fact written a song about) she’s a girl you could shoot the shit with but of course corporate culture gets in the way of having any real juicy discussion. Her actions were dictated by the man she was dating for three years and was engaged to. I noticed two years ago that one day the pictures of her and her ex were off of her cubicle walls. I asked David, is KO fighting with her boyfriend? Of course he didn’t make that observation, but I did! And she was fighting with him. A person is a person and there are so many things to appreciate. I wonder if I’m in the belly of beast of a culture that really seeks no further than the surface. Hey I guess that’s not that sad…if that’s true I can go down to the nearest store and buy me some new features today (guys can actually get calf implants.) In an article Mike Skinner from The Streets said that, in your youth you need to look and feel as sexy as possible. Now is the time to do that, I couldn’t agree more. Notice he said you have to “feel” sexy. It’s that feeling you can’t buy...But it’s also that feeling you can’t take away no matter what clothes of store bought features you’re wearing. I also wish I had that feeling…maybe I should drink a little more Ouzo.
School’s over for winter break there’s no excuse. I really need to get this natural disaster of my room cleaned and now. I have been bad ignoring the trusty to do list of mine. Feeding the face of that monster dubbed the conquistador of chaos. I see my room has been hit by a tornado. It’s time to not allow my guitar to gently weep, the floor needs sweeping.
Last night I went to my assistant manager’s first open house. (She’s the one that stood up for me against my very loco manager who went ape shit on me, really for no reason.) Other than the fact she introduced me as “Dick” at the door to some of the other patrons it went well. I brought a bottle of Rodney Strong Pinot Noir. I jammed with her son who is learning the bass, mingled with some co-workers and drank some Ouzo. This lady Lyn who used to work in my department was there and she divulged one little unknown office secret (only unknown to me.) The assistant manger of Revenue (she’s only a year older than I, about 25 her initials KO) has store bought tits!!!??? Now that I think about it…I should have known. Really as I type this I guess it’s not that interesting gossip. But if it’s the only nugget of dark office hush hushes I can uncover than I’ll take it. I noticed that KO has the perfect body and in stupid dude speak…do I dare go there??? Why not? If a person’s advantage in this world is one that was bought in a store and just the fact that that would be the one part of themselves they would choose to better enhanced whatever you want to call it…then perhaps a little subjective viewing is what they are after. So I let another office worker do the speaking for me. A guy named David who used to work with me called her a “but-her face.” That’s evil guy talk for her body is great but-her face…He said, “Look at her, she has a perfect petite body but she has a double chin.” I had never noticed that before but in fact KO has a double chin. See that’s just what I’m talking about. I noticed she had a big chest, but didn’t think to associate it with being fake. I never noticed she had a double chin, but then I did after David told me. I wonder if I lack observation??? Or am I better at observing the person? I basically met KO and probably thought oh…pretty girl with a perfect body. Then my judgment went strait into personality observation. She was just a chill person, she doesn’t think she is very smart, she loves to send e-mails with little picture thingies, she likes photography, she likes big SUVs, (which I hate and have in fact written a song about) she’s a girl you could shoot the shit with but of course corporate culture gets in the way of having any real juicy discussion. Her actions were dictated by the man she was dating for three years and was engaged to. I noticed two years ago that one day the pictures of her and her ex were off of her cubicle walls. I asked David, is KO fighting with her boyfriend? Of course he didn’t make that observation, but I did! And she was fighting with him. A person is a person and there are so many things to appreciate. I wonder if I’m in the belly of beast of a culture that really seeks no further than the surface. Hey I guess that’s not that sad…if that’s true I can go down to the nearest store and buy me some new features today (guys can actually get calf implants.) In an article Mike Skinner from The Streets said that, in your youth you need to look and feel as sexy as possible. Now is the time to do that, I couldn’t agree more. Notice he said you have to “feel” sexy. It’s that feeling you can’t buy...But it’s also that feeling you can’t take away no matter what clothes of store bought features you’re wearing. I also wish I had that feeling…maybe I should drink a little more Ouzo.
