Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Finals of Finals
Today was the finals of the finals. All day my mind kept shifting into that 1980’s Breakfast Club nostalgic mood. There was a permanent repeat in my head for that song Don't You (Forget About Me) by the Simple Minds. Metro is an extremely antisocial campus and I really have yet to make a long lasting friend from going to school there (my girlfriend is the only exception)…and I don’t really know what’s up with that. What I do know is wah wah dry my eyes. I’m really not writing this to complain. I’m writing this more for observation. I’m really fascinated by people…no matter how hard I try I can’t help but instinctually love the human race. Don’t get me wrong this gushy feeling doesn’t mean I have this self righteous perspective in regard to my actions. I am far from perfect and I’m sure I’ve caused my share of other’s pain. Usually I can see my actions in full circle and attempt to reconcile what I’ve done wrong or have a big enough heart to forgive those who have done wrong against me (within reason.) As sing songy three chord pop as it sounds I just wish everybody could love one another. What’s really weird is for the first time in my life I don’t feel clingy toward people. It’s just enough to play my part, but along with these detached emotions it feels like I’m more capable of spontaneous acts of kindness. I used to have this weird fear of rejection…this bad self esteem disorder where certain things that might entail rejection would be avoided at all cost. It was really maladaptive. I felt uncanny charismatic this semester. It was really freakish…maybe I’m over thinking this because I have low expectations but I really did feel more mojo-ish. In my journalism class I spent a lot a time joking around with that Amy girl. In general I felt I had a good rapport with everyone in that class. Then in psychology this girl named Rachel just out of the blue sat next to me and became my buddy in that class. Usually I’m a loner in those big stadium classes like that, usually I’m a rebel. Then in Spanish I had a little clique of girls that I chilled with. They were beautiful sweet sweet women. Nothing essentially based on ulterior motives just a lot of really cool people I vibed with. As the chorus chimes through my mind, “Don’t you forget about me.”(meaning the point I’m writing this ((see above spontaneous acts of kindness.)) There are two really cool people I want to leave with kind actions. My psychology professor was the shit. On our final she asked a question: Which statement is true? Then she gave all these funny answers but the right one was…”Lana gave you a cookie today.” Which I knew had to be correct because she gave every last 50 some odd one of us a home baked cookie. She ruled. Another less forgiving question she asked was…who’s the author of your text book?…lol. I’ll paraphrase this Einstein quotation: It’s a wonder curiosity survives a formal education. My professor is an exception to this idea. She is almost a Dr. and she is the most curious fun funny professor I’ve ever had. She's up there with K. Pond. I really have been blessed with good professors in my life. Anywho, my grade for my class should be posted already so without the chance of being a sycophant I want to write an e-mail to Lana thanking her for ruling. Then there is Melissa the dark haired blue eyed girl I befriended in my Spanish class. She was just a cool person. I feel, I feel???? Kind toward her??? My gut says she should be around…I don’t know why. She is moving to L.A. (where I plan to go after my B.A. is done.) She is going to study eastern medicine. I can’t force people to stick around in my life but I can give her a call and exchange e-mail addresses…maybe give her a link my blogspot and just keep in touch. I think that would be supercool…god my brain is empty. I’m stupid, tired, stressed and as gay as it sounds….I wish I could give anyone who may be reading this a hug. I wonder if my girlfriend slipped Prozac in my coffee tonight.
Today was the finals of the finals. All day my mind kept shifting into that 1980’s Breakfast Club nostalgic mood. There was a permanent repeat in my head for that song Don't You (Forget About Me) by the Simple Minds. Metro is an extremely antisocial campus and I really have yet to make a long lasting friend from going to school there (my girlfriend is the only exception)…and I don’t really know what’s up with that. What I do know is wah wah dry my eyes. I’m really not writing this to complain. I’m writing this more for observation. I’m really fascinated by people…no matter how hard I try I can’t help but instinctually love the human race. Don’t get me wrong this gushy feeling doesn’t mean I have this self righteous perspective in regard to my actions. I am far from perfect and I’m sure I’ve caused my share of other’s pain. Usually I can see my actions in full circle and attempt to reconcile what I’ve done wrong or have a big enough heart to forgive those who have done wrong against me (within reason.) As sing songy three chord pop as it sounds I just wish everybody could love one another. What’s really weird is for the first time in my life I don’t feel clingy toward people. It’s just enough to play my part, but along with these detached emotions it feels like I’m more capable of spontaneous acts of kindness. I used to have this weird fear of rejection…this bad self esteem disorder where certain things that might entail rejection would be avoided at all cost. It was really maladaptive. I felt uncanny charismatic this semester. It was really freakish…maybe I’m over thinking this because I have low expectations but I really did feel more mojo-ish. In my journalism class I spent a lot a time joking around with that Amy girl. In general I felt I had a good rapport with everyone in that class. Then in psychology this girl named Rachel just out of the blue sat next to me and became my buddy in that class. Usually I’m a loner in those big stadium classes like that, usually I’m a rebel. Then in Spanish I had a little clique of girls that I chilled with. They were beautiful sweet sweet women. Nothing essentially based on ulterior motives just a lot of really cool people I vibed with. As the chorus chimes through my mind, “Don’t you forget about me.”(meaning the point I’m writing this ((see above spontaneous acts of kindness.)) There are two really cool people I want to leave with kind actions. My psychology professor was the shit. On our final she asked a question: Which statement is true? Then she gave all these funny answers but the right one was…”Lana gave you a cookie today.” Which I knew had to be correct because she gave every last 50 some odd one of us a home baked cookie. She ruled. Another less forgiving question she asked was…who’s the author of your text book?…lol. I’ll paraphrase this Einstein quotation: It’s a wonder curiosity survives a formal education. My professor is an exception to this idea. She is almost a Dr. and she is the most curious fun funny professor I’ve ever had. She's up there with K. Pond. I really have been blessed with good professors in my life. Anywho, my grade for my class should be posted already so without the chance of being a sycophant I want to write an e-mail to Lana thanking her for ruling. Then there is Melissa the dark haired blue eyed girl I befriended in my Spanish class. She was just a cool person. I feel, I feel???? Kind toward her??? My gut says she should be around…I don’t know why. She is moving to L.A. (where I plan to go after my B.A. is done.) She is going to study eastern medicine. I can’t force people to stick around in my life but I can give her a call and exchange e-mail addresses…maybe give her a link my blogspot and just keep in touch. I think that would be supercool…god my brain is empty. I’m stupid, tired, stressed and as gay as it sounds….I wish I could give anyone who may be reading this a hug. I wonder if my girlfriend slipped Prozac in my coffee tonight.
# posted by Nick D @ 10:10 PM 
