Sunday, December 04, 2005
Writing Assignment 14
Having tangible friends is the most difficult social skill/ability for me. I feel like the human opposite of what our text book explains as the spotlight effect. Whereas most people feel like others are in constant judgment of them I feel relatively invisible. When someone actually notices me I take it as the biggest complement. (Note I’m not clingy like an annoying lost puppy dog. There’s defiantly got to be reciprocity for me to like someone…but it’s usually that reciprocity I don’t receive and therefore don’t implore.) There was this girl at the psychology board from our class signing up for what I call our guinea pig credit. I said hi and just started looking for a test that worked with my schedule. She said, “Hey you’re the guy that sits in the front row of our class.” I thought that was nice that someone actually noticed me. Not that I would ever talk to her again….because there’s no way for me to make tangible friends, but I did think it was cool. It’s because of occurrences like these that I feel I have what I call Anti-climatic charisma. I don’t observe or feel like people observe me in general yet reality always likes to give me its brutal slap on my face at those times my cheeks have become lusterless. Its those wake up calls that remind me to acknowledge that I am a human and people notice me even if I feel as unseen as the tree falling in the forest with no one around…if that’s the case then I guess that tree does make a sound. In high school I was never invited to parties are asked to lunch by any groups of people. I always had friends and girlfriends but it was like this unified collection of juxtaposition entities. My peeps didn’t associate/coordinate with one another. I just felt quite opposite of popular. Yet my class voted me for prom royalty senior year? I guess people noticed me. Of course I lost and my ex-girlfriend (we stopped dating a month before prom) won. Writing this paper makes me reflect on my laundry list of friends and girlfriends who would just rather dispose of me on whim like a defiled empty can of O.K. soda (it was good while it lasted but what was that stuff anyway) than maintain any type mundane connection. I’ve been trying to be in a band for 6 years ever since I picked up my cursed instrument and all the world has shown me is that musicians are more jock than…well jocks. I’m a freak because I don’t think people are disposable. Through years of conditioning that all people want me for is for free buddy passes or nothing at all, I have finally came to the conclusion that I’m different and there’s nothing I can do to have tangible friends or be in a band or any of that nonsense. People may notice me enough to even think they like me…but they certainly don’t want to know me.
I can’t turn this in to my psychology teacher…she would check me into the psyc. ward so below is what I’m turning in.
Nicholas D in tha House
PSY 1001: 28, 034
Dec. 7, 2005
Writing assignment 14
The laughing gallery called my social skills. Simply put, I don’t have a problem with social skills or abilities because I don’t have any. I used to blame for others for my follies but through the trials and errors of life I have collected enough evidence to conclude it must be my fault. You said in the beginning of class some things touched on might be harsh to deal with…well this is my topic of avoidance. I guess I can say it reminds me of two songs:
The Smiths, That Joke isn’t Funny Anymore
“That joke isn’t funny anymore. It’s too close to home and it’s too near the bone.”
The Impossibles, Hey, You Kids!
“Held on to yesterday so hard (Let it go, let it go) Can't keep the promise of tomorrow (Let it go, let it go)”
Having tangible friends is the most difficult social skill/ability for me. I feel like the human opposite of what our text book explains as the spotlight effect. Whereas most people feel like others are in constant judgment of them I feel relatively invisible. When someone actually notices me I take it as the biggest complement. (Note I’m not clingy like an annoying lost puppy dog. There’s defiantly got to be reciprocity for me to like someone…but it’s usually that reciprocity I don’t receive and therefore don’t implore.) There was this girl at the psychology board from our class signing up for what I call our guinea pig credit. I said hi and just started looking for a test that worked with my schedule. She said, “Hey you’re the guy that sits in the front row of our class.” I thought that was nice that someone actually noticed me. Not that I would ever talk to her again….because there’s no way for me to make tangible friends, but I did think it was cool. It’s because of occurrences like these that I feel I have what I call Anti-climatic charisma. I don’t observe or feel like people observe me in general yet reality always likes to give me its brutal slap on my face at those times my cheeks have become lusterless. Its those wake up calls that remind me to acknowledge that I am a human and people notice me even if I feel as unseen as the tree falling in the forest with no one around…if that’s the case then I guess that tree does make a sound. In high school I was never invited to parties are asked to lunch by any groups of people. I always had friends and girlfriends but it was like this unified collection of juxtaposition entities. My peeps didn’t associate/coordinate with one another. I just felt quite opposite of popular. Yet my class voted me for prom royalty senior year? I guess people noticed me. Of course I lost and my ex-girlfriend (we stopped dating a month before prom) won. Writing this paper makes me reflect on my laundry list of friends and girlfriends who would just rather dispose of me on whim like a defiled empty can of O.K. soda (it was good while it lasted but what was that stuff anyway) than maintain any type mundane connection. I’ve been trying to be in a band for 6 years ever since I picked up my cursed instrument and all the world has shown me is that musicians are more jock than…well jocks. I’m a freak because I don’t think people are disposable. Through years of conditioning that all people want me for is for free buddy passes or nothing at all, I have finally came to the conclusion that I’m different and there’s nothing I can do to have tangible friends or be in a band or any of that nonsense. People may notice me enough to even think they like me…but they certainly don’t want to know me.
I can’t turn this in to my psychology teacher…she would check me into the psyc. ward so below is what I’m turning in.
Nicholas D in tha House
PSY 1001: 28, 034
Dec. 7, 2005
Writing assignment 14
The laughing gallery called my social skills. Simply put, I don’t have a problem with social skills or abilities because I don’t have any. I used to blame for others for my follies but through the trials and errors of life I have collected enough evidence to conclude it must be my fault. You said in the beginning of class some things touched on might be harsh to deal with…well this is my topic of avoidance. I guess I can say it reminds me of two songs:
The Smiths, That Joke isn’t Funny Anymore
“That joke isn’t funny anymore. It’s too close to home and it’s too near the bone.”
The Impossibles, Hey, You Kids!
“Held on to yesterday so hard (Let it go, let it go) Can't keep the promise of tomorrow (Let it go, let it go)”
# posted by Nick D @ 12:43 PM 
Comments:
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Actually, I'd turn in the first piece. I can't pretend to be an expert on human relationships. Perhaps it's my MN upbringing (let's just say ice isn't just something that happens outside during winter). All I know is that my heart feels warmth for people, I enjoy spending time with people on occasion, and I think I even help make peoples' lives better. Nevertheless, I still think back to some ancient fable (perhaps a Greek myth or was it even a Bible story...egads!) about the true meaning of friendship. It's roughly equivalent to taking a bullet for someone because you love them so much.
My skewed perspective on Chinese culture has instilled a sense that good friends are for life, but it takes a lifetime to make them.
Nick, I think you're pretty cool. If I was a halfway decent bass player, I'd hook up and start a band right away.
That said, I wouldn't take a bullet for you nor would I expect you to take one for me.
Hey, check out this web site. This MN guy loves guitar, friendship, and the Smiths as much as you do:
http://www.mplsmicah.com/Music/music.htm
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My skewed perspective on Chinese culture has instilled a sense that good friends are for life, but it takes a lifetime to make them.
Nick, I think you're pretty cool. If I was a halfway decent bass player, I'd hook up and start a band right away.
That said, I wouldn't take a bullet for you nor would I expect you to take one for me.
Hey, check out this web site. This MN guy loves guitar, friendship, and the Smiths as much as you do:
http://www.mplsmicah.com/Music/music.htm
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