Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Chauvinistic
I know I’m young but being 25 and just finishing up my B.A. for the first time makes me feel old. I mean come on now!!! I look around my classes and I see the oozed drenched faces of freshly pop zits. In my Espanol class my professor asked a girl in Spanish what she drinks when she goes out dancing. She responded, “water.” The entire class ruffled and started questioning, “what??” To which our barely legal friend replied, “I’m only 18.” I don’t exactly live in a cage but I know even at 25 I’m not up to date on the new trends, technologies and most importantly style. Today fed proof to the pudding as my contemplative inspiring voiced Nature of Language professor was giving her lecture. I started to look around my hormone infested cesspool of a class as my mind drifted into a deep reverie. I looked down (don’t ask me why.) I looked up and I looked down again and noticed the perfectly rounded awe-inspiring bulge protruding from my new Banana Republic jeans. I started thinking, “That guy has a nice package.” Then I remembered “What a minute!!!” I’m looking at me. I did a triple take and I realized WOW this is me, but not really. It’s sad to say at 25 I feel like I’ve already cashed in on my clubbing days. But feelings aside, I can’t even remember the last time I went clubbing. It has to have been 2 years at least. I lost touch with the fawn grazing the meadows being young in search of the many doe to rumble the hillside with. For many it would be embarrassing to say such things in this juncture of their youth but I proudly say that the last few years I haven’t made clothing purchases at department stores. It’s been all thrift stores shopping for me baby…ggggrrrr. As I’ve said before I’m not update with all the hoopla of the nows, so as my eyes gazed fixed on my (what I call a jeaner) I can’t help but wonder if these jeans are made to simulate a man with a perfect package??? My jeans are just too perfectly choreographed to rest in such a position. The way the pant legs rest snug against my legs with no flack until reaching the mound on top of my front side…. it’s just too perfectly planed. It sounds absurd but it’s not really; if you think about it women have padded bras to add size and similarly they have wonder bras to aid in firmness. It’s perfectly acceptable to think that my generation has pulled a fast one on me and now makes jeans that come equipped to display the most perfectly shaped jeaner. All a guy now has to do is buy a new pair of Banana Republic jeans (which by the way I only got this year as Christmas and birthday presents because I complained to everyone that I needed them) and stuff a sock in the all ready made compartment for some maintained girth and your good to go. I can see why a guy in need would want such a thing...everyone but me that is. What’s up with my generation? Don’t they have any balls?
I know I’m young but being 25 and just finishing up my B.A. for the first time makes me feel old. I mean come on now!!! I look around my classes and I see the oozed drenched faces of freshly pop zits. In my Espanol class my professor asked a girl in Spanish what she drinks when she goes out dancing. She responded, “water.” The entire class ruffled and started questioning, “what??” To which our barely legal friend replied, “I’m only 18.” I don’t exactly live in a cage but I know even at 25 I’m not up to date on the new trends, technologies and most importantly style. Today fed proof to the pudding as my contemplative inspiring voiced Nature of Language professor was giving her lecture. I started to look around my hormone infested cesspool of a class as my mind drifted into a deep reverie. I looked down (don’t ask me why.) I looked up and I looked down again and noticed the perfectly rounded awe-inspiring bulge protruding from my new Banana Republic jeans. I started thinking, “That guy has a nice package.” Then I remembered “What a minute!!!” I’m looking at me. I did a triple take and I realized WOW this is me, but not really. It’s sad to say at 25 I feel like I’ve already cashed in on my clubbing days. But feelings aside, I can’t even remember the last time I went clubbing. It has to have been 2 years at least. I lost touch with the fawn grazing the meadows being young in search of the many doe to rumble the hillside with. For many it would be embarrassing to say such things in this juncture of their youth but I proudly say that the last few years I haven’t made clothing purchases at department stores. It’s been all thrift stores shopping for me baby…ggggrrrr. As I’ve said before I’m not update with all the hoopla of the nows, so as my eyes gazed fixed on my (what I call a jeaner) I can’t help but wonder if these jeans are made to simulate a man with a perfect package??? My jeans are just too perfectly choreographed to rest in such a position. The way the pant legs rest snug against my legs with no flack until reaching the mound on top of my front side…. it’s just too perfectly planed. It sounds absurd but it’s not really; if you think about it women have padded bras to add size and similarly they have wonder bras to aid in firmness. It’s perfectly acceptable to think that my generation has pulled a fast one on me and now makes jeans that come equipped to display the most perfectly shaped jeaner. All a guy now has to do is buy a new pair of Banana Republic jeans (which by the way I only got this year as Christmas and birthday presents because I complained to everyone that I needed them) and stuff a sock in the all ready made compartment for some maintained girth and your good to go. I can see why a guy in need would want such a thing...everyone but me that is. What’s up with my generation? Don’t they have any balls?
# posted by Nick D @ 10:58 PM 
