Monday, January 02, 2006

 
A Quarter of a Century

Intro, A, B, A, C, Ending


Intro- Following my girlfriend’s much tried and true game plan of absolute procrastination and applying it to the events of my birthday party yesterday; things were absolutely chaotic but went extremely well. At one time there were 31 people in this tiny duplex pit in the heart of Denver. It was a difficult feat to accomplish as the first person arrived (my wonderful cousin) at 4pm which was the party’s starting time and I still had an hour and a half more set up to do!

A- Some of the great things that transpire are those of utmost surprises. People like to get birthday presents on the day of their celebration. People make sweet things for others at times but I can’t really recall many DIY gifts that stand out. Yesterday, my friends Erika and her fiancé made me the coolest card that was so much better than anything store bought. She’s known me for so many years that she put many an incriminating middle school and high school picture in the card. Just opening up the thing brought back so many memories. The many gifts I got, all the money, cds, DVDs and trips to The Mountain “oh my!” Proves how spoiled I truly am…but more importantly it shows how generous everyone was. Just people showing up like my girl friend’s Aunt and Uncle and her friends, was a big surprise birthday gift in and of itself.

B- One of the disappointments in the evening was the fact not one of my fellow co-workers showed up. I probably invited 30 of them and I thought I was close to a few of them but this is just proof to the pudding…I’m not. I went to all of their b-day parties and various gatherings…but no, not one of them showed up for mine. It’s weird to think after working in the same place for 3 ½ years, I have truly made no human impact on anyone of those fucks…so fuck’em. When I work in my cube it does feel like 2 Pac’s “Me against the world” but I have to accept that fact. That’s the real world. It rings the bell of my mom’s pessimistic advice of, “Your co-workers are you’re co-workers. They aren’t your friends. Don’t ever confuse them for such.” Being in my 20’s with my ideals still intact I often blew off my mom’s maudlin thoughts labeling her Mrs. Ani-positive but as I’ve strolled around the corporate block a couple of times the dust is starting to clear. I can see the reality of my mother’s words. It’s a slightly depressing thought for me. I’m such a people person and I thrive on that human element. All it really means is that I don’t and won’t get it from work. This idea is really nothing negative per say. It’s just how it is. When I read my guitar music and I come to the accidentals and I get all huffy like, “Why are there so many accidentals in this piece?” My guitar teacher quickly rebuttals, “that just how the composer wrote it.” So is life…filled with all these unexpected accidentals already interwoven into the melody of its song. I just have to read them in time to allow for their note to sound without missing a beat. I guess I missed the beat when I ignored my mother’s words but I still do believe there are better pieces of music for me to be playing. I can’t hold myself back in the third grade superficial rhythms and melodies of where I work now. I know where I want to be and where I have to go…but for now I still have a few more songs to learn before I move on.

A- The Gouts also had their debut live performance. We rocked the house with:
1987A
Atomic Theory Bicycles
Help! (Beatles cover)
62
Conventional Girl
The Gouts (you gotta have it)
Jimmy Jones

James and I switched off bass, guitar and vocals…man we should have charged an admission.

C- After tearing down with house with our stadium rock musical anthems it was time for cake. My dad’s side of the family has this tradition of the birthday person cutting the cake and deciding who gets the pieces in what order. I always hate doing that. It makes me feel guilty. Like my family and friends get a gage on how much I love them by how I pass out the cake. This time I came up with a different strategy. I had a guest book at my party so I passed out the cake in order of when each person signed my guest book. My new motto…So, you’re fashionably late. Then wait for cake.

Ending- Holiday’s are silly. We have holidays for the stupidest things…(national goat hopping day???”) As I get older and my stomach gets sick from the centrifugal force of the rat race I realize how much we really need them. It’s so arbitrary to say, “It’s the 1st of the year, time for a fresh start.” But I really can’t think of a better approach. Why not wipe off the burden of your regrets or your guilt or whatever held you back last year and try from the this day forward to create a better year? I’m looking forward to 2006 and I’m going to work hard to read the accidentals as they pop up…without missing a beat.

Comments:
First off, happy birthday Nick! Little late, but hey ... I just found out. ; )

Next, regarding this ... It’s weird to think after working in the same place for 3 ½ years, I have truly made no human impact on anyone of those fucks…so fuck’em. When I work in my cube it does feel like 2 Pac’s “Me against the world” but I have to accept that fact. That’s the real world. It rings the bell of my mom’s pessimistic advice of, “Your co-workers are you’re co-workers. They aren’t your friends. Don’t ever confuse them for such.” Being in my 20’s with my ideals still intact I often blew off my mom’s maudlin thoughts labeling her Mrs. Ani-positive but as I’ve strolled around the corporate block a couple of times the dust is starting to clear. I can see the reality of my mother’s words. It’s a slightly depressing thought for me. I’m such a people person and I thrive on that human element. All it really means is that I don’t and won’t get it from work.

Putting yourself in the state of mind that you find friends (or don't find them) in specific settings is ridiculous. You can't ever know when or where you're going to meet a friend. So what, none of your current co-workers are friends right now. Or maybe they desperately wanted to be at your party and were trapped under something heavy. Hmmm, anyway ... leaving yourself open to the possibilities is so much more enlightening than 'boxing' yourself in. Many people do subscribe to the same line of thinking as your mother, but not all. Choose to be open. Might hurt from time to time or day to day, but in my opinion ... it's the better option. It's living, feeling life instead of walling ourselves off.

Just my two cents ... Happy New Year Nick.
 
Happy New Year
 
Boy am I an idiot. Somehow I missed this. It sounds like you had quite a bash, despite all the work folks not showing up.

I also get bummed about that, but it seems true. It's a bit uncommon of an environment that creates lasting relationships in today's work place. It's sad really, because I can't hide who I am and this gets me in trouble at work. It sounds like you have some similar issues.

Do you ever feel like you undertake numerous courageous excursions into strange settings but find that others hardly ever reciprocate on that? It's not like I expect others to stick their neck out and try new things, but I admit it does frustrate me sometimes.

Keep your head up and try again. Perhaps people were just drained after the holidays, still socializing with family, or otherwise occupied.

Congrats on your live debut with Gout. Hope to see you guys go at it again sometime!
 
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